God’s been at work within me.

I guess the better thing to say is that I’ve allowed God to work in me?

Or maybe that’s not the right thing to say. Maybe, I’ve sought Him more passionately?

I don’t know. Here’s what I do know.

I love Jesus.

That’s no secret. But sometimes, I know the right things to say and do, and so the motions come out — and somehow I miss the mark.

Sometimes I know I miss the mark and other times I have no clue. Because I’m so good with the motions that I’ve fooled myself.

But then you go on for so long and you end up in a downward spiral…

But I serve a God who is not afraid of confrontation.

And I know that He will confront me… and most of the time when I least expect it.

And so when He did this… you know, knocked me to my knees? I came clean. To no one really, but me… and Him. Which I always find funny because He knew.

Side question: Do you think He gets some sort of satisfaction from hearing us admit it? You know, how sometimes we love to to hear when we’re right?

I chewed on my thoughts all day, sometimes attempting to get back in the rut, came home, and while waiting for a mundane task to complete, picked up a copy of The Message that sits on my desk.

I just opened it, you know, just for something to read while I waited and found myself in Romans 1 and I saw this big, bold heading… “Ignoring God Leads to a Downward Spiral.”

Hmm… I seemed to have heard this before.

But the verses that followed hit me.

Much like the 2×4 He hit me with earlier that day.

What happened was this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn’t treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life. (Romans 1:20-22 MSG)

So, what it’s saying is that when I don’t put God first in my life, my life spins out of control. And notice that it didn’t say that tons of bad things happen. It says “there was neither sense nor direction in their lives.” In my mind, that means it can just seem out of control to me… and every one else thinks that everything is okay.

Because it IS out of control… when I’m not putting Him first.

I love when He knocks some sense in me… and when there’s confirmation… and when it all comes together… and when I can swirl it around in my little head long enough to comprehend so that I can write about it…

…and share it!


heatherHeather St.Clair is a mostly sane mother and step-mother of four. Blogging at, she rambles humorously about life including marriage, kids, step-parenting, family, faith and the occasional boy band. You can also connect with Heather on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

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