GinaDuke fellout

When I was single, God began dealing with me about a man I barely knew. Visions of us sitting in church as a married couple and praying intimately would consistently come to mind. Much to my dismay, this man named *Ross showed up at my church one Sunday and sat right behind me. Months passed, and it seemed as if the Holy Spirit continued to orchestrate more meet-ups. I felt confident that God wanted me to marry him.

Late one fall night, as he walked me to my car after church, Ross began to disclose his feelings for me. Without getting too far ahead of him and spilling my guts, I simply listened. We agreed to enter into an understanding that if this was truly of God, we would move toward marriage.

In hardly no time, Ross decided that it was not God’s will for us to marry since I was divorced. I was heart-broken and disappointed in God. For months afterward, I felt like the Holy Spirit was whispering, “Wait!” but I could not. Especially after learning that Ross had gotten engaged to someone else. I thought, If I wait and he marries anyway, I believe I will forever walk away from God. So, I decided that since I was more accustomed to being disappointed in myself, that I would just walk in rebellion. If it ruined everything, I would have no one else but me to blame, and that I could handle.

Shortly after he married, I met another man named Jamie. He was a kind and gentle man who swept me off my feet and literally loved me back to Jesus. After a short courtship, we too, married, and life finally seemed as it should be.

Around our one year anniversary, my husband became deathly ill. As I called upon people to intercede for him, I learned that Ross’s wife had left him for someone else. Not only was he distraught, but I was told that he now realized that he should have married me instead.

I don’t know if it was the weight of the stress I was already under, but I became sorely afraid that God was going to create a scenario where I would end up with Ross. This verse haunted me,

From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do. Isaiah 46:11

I began to pray for my husband’s healing like never before. I kept telling God, ‘I choose Jamie!” Thankfully, my husband did indeed recover. As life continued, there were times I still struggled with my feelings for Ross; I would get myself worked up wondering if I had missed out on God’s perfect will for my life. Thank God a sound mind always prevailed. You see, God’s perfect will is for me to love my husband, and I do.

As I have shared this story, I’ve come across numerous other women with similar experiences. They often ask for advice on how to fall out of love with the other man. This is what I tell them I did:

  • I prayed and stayed in God’s Word
  • I cut all ties with this person, including social media (Ephesians 5:22)
  • I stopped going places where I might run into him
  • I stopped entertaining certain thoughts and focused on what was true (Phil 4:8)
  • I consulted godly mentors when I was feeling out of sorts who were quick to shut down my crazy (Titus 2:3-5)
  • I talked to my husband. God’s Word says that if I have ANY questions I should ask my husband (He knew my story). If I did not feel comfortable telling him how I was feeling, then I knew my emotions were in danger, and I needed to get a grip (1 Corinthians 14:5)
  • I madly loved my husband in every way (and still do!).

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

*Not his real name

ginaduke headshotginaduke bookAward-winning author Gina Duke is a wife, mother and Director of Women’s Ministry at her local church. As a national conference speaker, she is a witty and point-on expositor of God’s Word, sharing practical wisdom for authentic Christian living. Through her book, Organizing Your Prayer Closet: A New and Life-Changing Way to Pray (Abingdon Press), she imparts 1 Peter 4:7 with the gift of structured prayer journaling. Gina also blogs and offers numerous videos and resources at You may also follow her on Twitter and Instagram.


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